


Tell Me A Secret

by Magnetism_bind



Category: Black Sails
Genre: Angst, Developing Relationship, Established Relationship, Love Confessions, M/M, Reunion Fic, Secrets, Trust Issues, Tumblr Prompts, Uncertainty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-28
Updated: 2017-05-28
Packaged: 2018-11-06 00:50:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,145
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11025108
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Magnetism_bind/pseuds/Magnetism_bind
Summary: "There is very seldom any true secret.”― Diana Wynne JonesTrust doesn't come easily to James, but fortunately Thomas understands.





	Tell Me A Secret

James’s sitting up in bed staring at the wall, his folded arms resting on his knees. He’s been like that for ten minutes before Thomas finally breaks the silence.

“What is it?”

“I should be going.”

“It’s barely dawn.”

“I should be going.” James simply repeats the words. He slips out of bed and gets dressed as Thomas watches him uncertainly.

“What is it?” Thomas asks again.

James simply shakes his head and leaves the bedroom.

He makes his way through the silent house, pausing at the foot of the stairs. It would be easy to turn around and go back up to Thomas, to kiss him and tell him he had thought he had an appointment and he was wrong and he can stay after all.

But he doesn’t want to lie to Thomas any more than he has to. And he _can’t._

He goes out into the soft gray morning, pulling his collar closer at the brisk air. He can’t speak to Thomas yet because all the words that he could say are dangerous.

When they’re together, James lets himself go, and nothing else matters. But at night, the doubts return to whisper in his ear. James has been careful for so long. It isn’t easy to let someone in. Thomas could ruin his life so easily if he tired of James. With a few words he could destroy James’s career. That’s all it would take.

Thomas _wouldn’t._

He never would; James knows that. All the same it’s hard to allow the sort of trust that their relationship requires. James knows the situation he’s placed himself in. Aware too that he could level the same charges against Thomas, but who would take his side over Thomas’s? The word of a lieutenant from a family of tradesmen against the word of a lord?

He wouldn’t. But he has to think of all the possibilities, all the ways this could end, however unlikely they are.

“But that’s the point. You _could_ blackmail me just as easily.” Thomas points out when James finally admits this fear to him. “Someone would listen to you, there are always those who enjoy seeing scandal befall highborn families. You possess as much power over me as I do you.”

“I don’t _want_ to hold power over you.” James bursts out. “I want…to not fear this.” He gestures helplessly between them. 

“I know.” Thomas murmurs. “But it’s true. We are equal in this, James.”

“Tell me a secret of yours then.” James says at last, his words almost belligerent. “If you’re so intent on us being equal.”

Thomas ponders this while they’re getting undressed. “The first time I saw you.”

James pauses, listening.

Thomas blushes a little. “That first day…after we spoke, and I went home. I couldn’t stop thinking of how you looked in your uniform, the laughter in your eyes and…I locked myself in my study and…I…”

James leans in, those same eyes laughing now. “Are you trying to tell me you needed to take yourself in hand, my lord, after that very first day?”

“You have no idea.” Thomas breathes, pressing him up against the bedroom wall. He kisses James’s throat. “You drive me to distraction and I love every instant of it.”

 *  *  *

_Tell me a secret._

It becomes a game between them, an excuse to murmur filthy things into each other’s ears (usually Thomas) to arouse each other in public places without giving the game away (James.)

A reassurance of each other’s trust, a reminder of their love.

 *  *  *

In Savannah, Thomas tries to find a way to draw James back to him. It’s been a few weeks and they are slowly finding a semblance of routine, a new life together.

It’s late and James is still sitting there in the dark. Thomas knows that look, even now after all those years.

He places a hand on James’s shoulder. “Tell me a secret.” He whispers.

James swallows faintly. “I didn’t find you.” He says at last.

“What?” Thomas eyes him.

“It wasn’t me that found you.” James sits back, gazing at him. He’s so still. He waits, and finally Thomas asks the obvious question. The question that is so simple, but somehow feels like a loaded gun in the dark between them.

“Who was it then?”

James gazes down at his hands clasped tightly over his knee. “John Silver.”

Thomas sucks in a breath, waiting for more.

“I didn’t listen.” James whispers. “If he hadn’t made me come here, I never would have found you.” The anguish in his eyes torments him.

“But you _did_.” Thomas clasps his face, holding him close. “You came here and I don’t care if it was by choice or if he forced you or it was a trick of fate. The point is you’re _here_ and you found me _now_. That’s all that matters.”

James shudders heavily, resting his forehead against Thomas’s. “But…”

“James. It doesn’t matter.”

“Thomas.”

“It doesn’t matter.” He lets the words be the only thing there is as his fingers slide along the back of James’s head to stroke his neck gently.

James closes his eyes.

“That’s your secret then.” Thomas murmurs. “John Silver?”

James opens one eye. “One of them.”

“I look forward to hearing the rest.” Thomas smiles.

“You may not like them.” James sighs faintly.

“Perhaps not.” Thomas agrees. “But the telling of them, you sharing that with me, that’s what I want.” He kisses James. “Do you want to know my secret?”

“Yes.”

“I still love you.” Thomas whispers.

James snorts. “That’s not a secret.”

“No?” Thomas raises his eyebrows. “I thought it might be. From the way you’ve been acting since the plantation.”

“I know you love me.” James says matter-of-factly. “I just sometimes think I’m not worthy of it.”

Thomas sighs. “My love, my love, you are worthy.” He kisses James’s mouth. “You are the world to me. You must believe this.”

James leans his head into Thomas’s embrace, letting the words wash over him like the sea. He doesn’t know if he believes it, but Thomas does and maybe that is all that truly matters in the end.

*  * *

It takes a year before James finally believes Thomas. A year of sharing conversations across the kitchen table, and waking every morning to find themselves in bed together. A year of laughter and slow mornings and long nights and soft touches and warm skin. A year of love. 

It takes a year, but there does come a morning when James looks into Thomas’s eyes and truly sees what his beloved does. It’s a startling realization to finally understand that Thomas simply loves him as much as James loves Thomas.

James smiles and kisses Thomas’s hand very gently, so as not to wake him. The day is young. There’s plenty of time for him to tell Thomas what he’s learned. 


End file.
